Saturday, September 28, 2013

Bigfoot Eats

What Bigfoot eats is still basically conjecture. Plenty of reasearchers have picked through nasty piles of what is obstensively BF scat and while they report things like partially digested berries, leafy vegetable matter, tufts of rodent fur and small bones, unless a group of individuals actually sees and records for posterity the actual act of the Big one taking a big dump, those piles of poop could be from bears, or even possibly humans.
If you ask seven people on the trail what Bigfoot eats, you will likely get very different answers.
'Bigfoot likes to eat mainly berries, nuts, and fruits. I would imagine he also eats fish and possibly small game mammals. He seems to be a peaceful sort of a guy though so I would think he would be more of a vegetarian.'
'There are no documented sightings of bigfoots eating people, but bigfoots can eat you.'
'He actually eats like a tramp.'
'People! mostly kids or babies there is bigfoot babies that can eat a newborn baby in 2 bites, Bigfoot will eat kids in 1 bite or deer, fish and horses!'
See what I mean?
Let's assume you are a creature the size of a two refridgerators stacked two high.
Weighing roughly the same as those refers, it would seem that you might require a pretty high caloric intake to be able to continue to exist, so it could be a safe bet to say that you are omnivorous.
Nuts, berries, wild onions and skunk cabbage, are easy pickings and all make for a fine salad, but you will have to expend energy in order to obtain meat, just the way that all animals have since millenia.  Rodents are pretty scant for caloric sustenance, but a few popped into your big mouth might give you enough energy to chase down a much more substantial meal like a deer.
Deer figure into the BF witness accounts quite heavily, (oddly, as opposed to Elk or even Moose, which would seem like a better pay off in terms of total meat yield for energy expended),
Click to enlarge photos

Other primates like Great Apes are vegetarian, eating leaves and shoots,  while Chimps actually will chase down and kill smaller primates as food sources. Orangutans will eat grubs and small insects and reportedly even small animals while humans (as evidenced by my buddy Psycho Jack and shows like 'Iron Chef' ) will eat nearly anything.
At habituation sites around the nation, Sasquatch baiters use all manner of goodies to lure the Hairy ones within trail cam range, including candy, beef jerky, jelly-filled donuts, phermone-laced fabric, and even full grown women.  It is strange only insofar as more regular old drunken campers have not been caught on camera seeking these prizes.

Bigfoot, not so much. He apparently has more will power, mostly eschewing the twinkies for a mitt full of blackberries, and the stories of Deer kills continue to abound.
So if Bigfoot will eat nearly anything, just like humans, he might well choose his food based on his ability to consume it easily, right?

Berries are a no-brainer, but deer must be prepared, at least portioned down since even Bigfoot's big yap is not big enough to eat a Deer whole, Python-style.
How does he do it?

He RIPS it apart, he tears it wide open, while it's still alive. Yeesh!  That doesn't sound like the gentle, giant hairy forest dude that vegans prefer.  Descriptions of Bigfoot don't include claws and only rarely have I read about the sharp teeth necessary to rip flesh in order to make it swallowable. But he is apparently doing it, and doing it with panache and speed.

Let's try to imagine a deer about the size of a big Great Dane and compare that to the size of a typically described Bigfoot hand, which comes in at about the size of a regulation baseball glove, with fingers like Kielbasa sausages.

It would have to be much like a regular grown man tearing into a Chihuahua, no tools allowed.
Messy, and hard to do by any stretch. (forgive the pun.)

For me, I believe the Big Ones probably do eat deer venison, as well as the aforementioned berries, swamp cabbage and rodents, but there is something *fishy about the vivisection aspect.

*(As an aside, why no strong reports of fish eating BFs?  Strange.)

We suspect that the Bigfoot people are not tool users, as it has never been observed, nor have any tools been found, and this by itself is strange. Chimps use sticks to pull termites from their mounds while Capuchin Monkeys have been found using stones to crack open nuts and oysters, ala early man. Even some species of Ants will drop pebbles down the entrances of rival colonies nests to block them from competing for food.
My own precious dog has figured out how to pull the table cloth down enough to get to the butter tub, and amazingly, has taught the other, not so precious dog to do it as well.

Remember, this is a creature that, reportedly can chuck a rock from deep brush, over twenty feet in complete darkness and hit a lantern on picnic table, more than once. (You try it, Joe.)
So how does this animal, who by many accounts possesses a high level of intelligence, get at the animal protein contained in a deer carcass without benefit of anything sharper than a worn-down canine incisor?
Your turn..
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