Thursday, February 21, 2013

Bigfoot and Sex

Now that Dr. Ketchum has explained that our friend Mr. Foot is an evolved human hybrid that came to be when a progenitor mated with a human female, we have to consider how this came to happen?

Is this a case of a horrendous act of rape or was there something more to the story?  While this author would never entertain, support or condone any sex act that was not consensual, it is somewhat difficult to believe that our current combined understanding of what Bigfoot is:
A huge hairy hominid that manages to remain unconfirmed in the deep woods and wild areas of the world in spite of ever increasing human encroachment, AND, which was the result of a SINGLE UNION between some sort of Numero Uno, Bigfoot MacDaddy and an unwilling human female. (Click for more).

My point is, I think this happened more than once and I believe it may be the result of a bit of early human/critter romance. Before the reader cries 'Beastiality', I would suggest that Bigfoot, in whatever form we agree upon, is hardly a simple oversized ape.  Apes, throughout human history have not had the smarts to avoid detection, usurpation and murder by humans.
Bigfoot, as a stealthy, highly intelligent entity continues to elude the best of us, and so this makes him much more our equal.
So, to continue with my theory, what was it that made this human female receptive to the advances of an oversized, hairy monster?  All jokes aside, except for the concept that most human females would tell you that they have all dated (and some have married) oversized hairy monsters, there must have been a special set of circumstances that led to the first coupling of Cryptid/Human.
A lone human female, lost in the woods far from her tribe smacks of B movie scripts, but may truly have been a likely beginning.  And if our hairy monster friend is so monstrous, why would he allow his new conquest to escape instead of keeping her for his own or worse, devouring her?
Any human male knows the power of the female to control, entice, enrage and mollify the strongest of us, and all in the same encounter.  So perhaps we can assume that this ancient, Eve-offshoot did not work all that hard at fending off the Big One's interest.

Call it a survival mechanism, or call it selective breeding, where the human female seeks the strongest, most viral 'male' to help her to continue her species.  Why not?  The anatomy, by reports, is similar enough. Arms to hold her, legs to carry her and, ahem, the goods to deliver the necessary baby bigfoot batter and we have conception.

                                              'Yo, Footman, you got a LICENSE for that thing!?'

But in order to explain why Bigfoot did not evolve in the way that humans did, we have a dead end.
Gene-based evolution tells us that as the embryo splits, it retains elements of both the mother and the father, so why do we not have a living hybrid, showing the more subtle aspects of both Bigfoot and of humans?
Feel free to comment below, and also, consider the additional idea of human MALES conjugating with female Bigfoots.  Why not?
                                              'He's looking at you, Stacy....NO, he's looking at ME!'

  I know that when my wife forgets to shave her legs, I am still undeterred when it comes to a little slap and tickle. How about you?

1 comment:

  1. I had a half Italian, half Jewish girlfriend a few years ago. She was naturally hirsute, and tall. She was also crazy as batshit. If I could handle her, I reckon I could handle a Sasquatch girl. A Sasquatch girlfriend could keep you warm in the winter. I think Sasquatch are not mean or dangerous, just misunderstood, kind of like Pit Bulls. I love Pit Bulls. I think Sasquatch are intelligent, and stay away from human "civilization" for good reason. They don't want to be captured, caged, "domesticated", enslaved, dissected and studied in the name of "science", demonized (or canonized) by religion, or put on public display for snotnosed brats to gawk at..


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