The Sasquatch People - People who are into Sasquatch

Every week or two I do an online search of new developments in the world of Sasquatch and mostly there is little to be found. A sighting report, a blurry photo doesn't cut the mustard and so I deepen my search toward the people who have produced interesting stuff in the past.

That's the Toddster in the middle, me on the left masquerading as Meldrum.

Todd Standing is still off the radar, as is Doc Meldrum, (who has begun to surface at distant conventions to pitch his book or to tear apart a questionable bit of footage here and there), Brian Sykes and Melba Ketchum’s assertions of true Bigfoot DNA have never broken through the crust of naysayer opinion and and so I am forced back toward the weirdos like Matthew Johnson, Kewaunee Lapseritis and Mike Paterson. 

Look out Matt! He's right behind you!

Johnson's website, TeamsquatchinUSA.com, is so hard to navigate as to render it nearly non-viewable, though he claims his Southern Oregon Habituation location has been overrun by uninvited newcomers, there is some mention of him bringing additional 'witnesses' to that location. He also states that the Sasquatch that speaks to him in his mind ( I said 'weirdos' right?) told him of a new location where more contact may occur.

'and so, ah, we're basically toast..'

Kewaunee Lapseritis is still doing his 'Sasquatch People' tour where along with his recent bride and at least one Native American lecturer/friend ( a fellow known as ‘Sunbow’) he espouses the dire warnings that humans are still screwing up everything, particularly in an environmental sense, and it's not looking good for our future.

Mike Paterson communicates to his flock of supporters and detractors solely through Youtube and because Youtube makes it hard to find fresh information by mixing up everything people post, it's hard to know what Paterson is thinking about his three year relationship (gone awry) with a seemingly inter-dimensional family of hairy, sentient, oversize bipedal beings. (note to Mike, if you happen to read this; Dude, get your own web/blog page so we can learn about what you’re up to more easily. They’re free!)

This last guy is interesting to me right now for a couple of reasons.

Paterson has never made any efforts that I can see to monetize his 'discovery' and he has established a relationship with a documentary filmmaker named Chris Munch who has taken Paterson’s work a few steps farther by parlaying footage and interviews with the Sasquatch Ontario contactee into a separate Youtube account (called Fir and Cedar) where he has an ongoing series of clips featuring 'sensitives' who claim to be able to speak telepathically with the Sasquatch. Weirdos, right? (another note: Munch, please do the same as Mike and make a dedicated blogsite that we can get the latest info on your work. Youtube is annoying, man.) Nuff said about that.

Forced perspective of Thom's own bare foot, probably.

Lastly, we also have Thom Powell, the Junior High School Science teacher whose curiosity about Bigfoot has pushed him into authoring two very good books( The Locals and Edges of Science) and into becoming a featured lecturer at Sasquatch/Paranormal cons and meetups around the region.

I met Powell at a recent conference in Ocean Shores and while he signed my dog-earred copy of The Locals, I asked him about whether he was going to talk about the 'weird stuff' when he was scheduled to speak. He said, 'Oh, you're going to want to stick around...the 'woo-woo' is coming!' 

And he wasn't kidding.

Here I will repost my recollections from the 2014 Sasquatch Summit, when Powell took the stage.

Thom said,

‘They are observers of humans and sentinels’, though he never explains what they’re looking for.

‘They live underground, along with ETs’, but he doesn’t suggest where that might be.

‘Some go rogue’, explaining negative witness reports of menacing bfs.

‘We are being led into a greater awareness’ which is appropriately ‘woo, woo’.

‘bigfoot picks the habituation sites and the people THEY want to interact with, not

the other way around.’ This makes some sense I guess.  And finally,
 

‘They prefer to interact with humble people’ so this will leave Barackman out. (just teasin’ Cliff.)

Thom suggested that if we want to have an encounter with a bigfoot in the woods, we have to have good thoughts and humble intentions. We should pick up litter. This may be a good idea, but it’s still funny.

Then he posted an image of a wormhole, calling them Einstein-Rosen Bridges and images of books supporting wack-theories including Michael Talbot’s ‘The Holographic Universe’ which I have read and enjoyed, but don’t fully support myself.

I will try to corner Thom on March 5^th at the UFO/Paranormal conference and see if he’s interested in my new line of Sasquatch-inspired litter bags. Angel investors, are you listening?

So…is the worm is turning as I suggest?  People who are interested in the subject of Bigfoot are slowly coming around to the possibility that Bigfoot is not just a primitive throw-back from early mans evolution that is really good at hide and seek, but that all of these sightings are more likely evidence of a life form that does indeed exist outside the boundaries of current human understanding of physics

Bigfoot on Game Cameras: Why is this so hard?

A game cam photo of a supposed Bigfoot came up in my email yesterday and I saved it in my 'anomalous BF image' folder where it joins numerous other inexplicable images of 'something' that triggered one of the increasingly fancy strap-on tree cameras.

For the bulk of us who are interested in unmasking the critter we call Bigfoot, a good, clear photograph is worth quite a bit in terms of solving the riddle.  So, a quick trip through SportsmansWarehouse or Cabelas with a credit card will get you pretty high-end digital unit, some with night vision, some with video capability and most with nylon straps to secure it to a tree at what we think is an appropriate location and height to get that holy grail of images. 

And there has been some interesting results. 

From a cellphone photo of a computer image of a game camera located in Mossy Rock, Wa.
(Note: Click on the images to make them larger.)

This is what we get, routinely. A thrice watered down, blurry blobshot, which even a 12 year old would say, 'that sucks.'

                                            What we WANT is a photo like the one below:

Now this is a great photo. A centered, clear daylight photograph.

Too bad it is an awful hatchet job, fake.

And this brings up the problem of photo fakery, which is not a new problem. People have been manipulating photographs ever since photography was invented. 

If you were unaware, this is how Osama Bin Laden was really taken out. 

But us Bigfooters are intrepid and stubborn and we keep hanging cameras in the woods anyway and 

if a photo we obtain is even just a tad out of the ordinary, say, like this...

then the blogosphere goes into high gear with all manner of new experts eager to tear the image

apart. And this is good to a large extent. Extraordinary claims, extraordinary proof, etc.,blah, blah, blah. Call Bill Munns, call Phil Poling, Call Thinkerthunker, and we'll get to the bottom of this.

So is this a dude in a fur suit? 

The problem is, no matter how highly-regarded your skills as a photo/video expert are, no photographic image will ever be enough to convince the public at large of the existence of a living creature. 

The P/G film, as our gold standard, has been dissected and re-enacted ad infinitum and still no consensus of agreement from credentialed scientists that huge hairy hominids truly exist.

Once this has been achieved, then new reference books can be written to update the taxonomy,

and that will be a beautiful day, but it won't happen from those scientists pouring over an image 

on a computer screen.  We need bones. Fossilized or fresh, or so fresh they're still inside a living 

creature, but we must have something so tangible we can personally hold it in our hands.


Talk to the back

Until that day comes, we can expect to a lot more weird photos, as the sale of very good video
equipment increases each year.

He's big, he's bipedal. What the hell is it?


I like this one. Look close. It has claws.

But what in tarnation is this blobthing? 


Or this? 

Is that a BOOB? 

Gotta be a guy in a suit. Amazon sells nice ones now.

This is a fairly recent offering. 



This is just a mangy bear, right?

There are enough terrible, fuzzy photos to keep us busy for years now, and new ones added monthly. And sadly, video footage will now be suspicious no matter what, since we have stuff like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjR6Mbsf-fQ

It is admittedly a phoney documentary of a captured Bigfoot, but it's so well done that it's easy to see how the general public could be fooled. Think the man on the street is smarter than that?

Judge, I rest my case.

Bigfoot, ETs and Us

If we can imagine a world where Sasquatch/Bigfoot has been 'discovered', ie., solid video from multiple sources, along with the acknowledgment of academia, including the addition of the species to the taxonomic record, how will this scenario play out from that point? Lets extrapolate. Let's say Derek Randles suddenly announces a huge development in his research: Contact has been made, a group of Sasquatches has communicated with Derek and his people and they acquire excellent video footage showing Derek shaking hands with an 8 foot tall, hairy biped. It is picked up and is aired on the Today show and all other major networks. According to Randles, a rudimentary language is employed with hand signals and yes and no verbalizations. The Olympic Project has retained a legal firm, the entire ten acre compound is fenced with 8 foot cyclone and razor wire and armed guards are manning the entry gate.

Contrary to conspiracy theory, Military/industrial complex reps are nowhere to be found outside of local police who patrol the site for crowd control and unwanted interlopers. The Olympic Project, along with Dr. Jeff Meldrum invites the major news networks to bring scientists specializing in human/ animal sciences with the assurance that the Sasquatch People wish to give a message to all of mankind, vis a vis Derek and his advisors. Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Estaban Sarmiento, and a few other highly regarded, credentialed individuals show up and are let into the compound. Once the TV news hits around the world, oddballs begin to move en masse towards Port Angeles. They line the roads everywhere within ten miles of the Olympic Projects acreage. Police use helicopters and their limited SWAT material for crowd control but after about three days the Governor calls in the National Guard and a ten mile perimeter is established with check points and additional razor fencing that runs through all access points including forest service roads all the way to the coast. A standing order to shoot down personal drones is made and a couple of drones are knocked out this way, but not before shaky footage is obtained, sold and aired of something big and hairy moving under the canopy of big Fir trees, away from a camouflaged kiosk that has a multitude of heavy power cables running to it. The first, highly coveted feeds from the Olympic Project Camp begin to air on TV, showing a table with three people seated with their backs to the cameras, two men and a woman in the middle. in front of them is a section of weirdly-lit wooded terrain, tree trunks and stumps. In the low light, the viewer can make out the outline of a large humanoid mass with furry edges standing behind jagged stump.

Not Danzig

The shaggy form shifts, eyes blink showing some white around dark pupils. In comparison to the tree trunk the creature is huge. It moves and you can make out the massive arms and a flash of an enormous hand as it slides down the log to reposition itself to be facing the camera. There is no dialog, no clear voices yet, just the regular clicking of some camera shutters and muffled, excited whispers from somewhere behind the scene. A man's voice begins, "Dave, are the mics on? Are they on? Can we get a feed check?" And then, a loud snort. It sounds like a bull, exhaling and steam is seen rising from the area of the creatures face. A few people beyond the camera exclaim and gasp and then a woman's voice is heard. "Excuse me, excuse me....can we begin?" The woman is only shown from behind, a blonde head of curly hair, but then a screen title pops up, 'Autumn Williams-Crypto-Resaercher' ( misspelled) and the voice continues, "Can you hear me? Can, ah...can you understand me, what I'm saying?"

Autumn Williams 

There is no response, and aside from the camera clicks and distant generator noise, all we see from the green forest set is more steam and a slight shifting of the mass of hair and muscle. Then, a sound. It's a low rumble, like a throat clearing, and then "WE..." The people in the tent breathe sharply, a deep, guttural sound, like a cross between a lion and some bovine animal rasps, "WE SSPEAK...NOT WELL" It's an amazing, historic moment. Inter-species communication from a creature that the vast majority of humanity has never conceived could truly exist. And in fact, so far there is still no proof that they do. The idea of a bipedal human-hybrid hunkering behind a log and speaking human English is too much to assimilate, with too many convenient problems solved like the rewriting of the human taxonomy for most of us to stomach. The main question that stands out immediately: What's in it for Bigfoot? Bigfoot, a silly name for a relationship with a concept-shattering entity, the term Sasquatch at least honors some First Nations People, but still, what can humanity do for what ostensibly, historically, has been a humanoid free agent since a time before humans understood fire or tool use? Because this scenario is so unlikely to ever happen, we can only speculate as I've done here, and we can reflect on the only input we do have, which, as specious as it may sound, does answer that big question. The leaders in the field of Sasquatch/Contactee communication are, in order of total content, Kewaunee Lapseritis,Mike Paterson and maybe to a lesser extent, Joan Ocean.

Lapseritis is an herbalist/healer and self-proclaimed Crypto-Anthropologist from rural Washington State who claims that a concurrent communication from both Extra-Terrestrial and Sasquatch intelligences contacted him telepathically a few years ago. Since that contact, Lapseritis has written two books, 'The Sasquatch People {And Their Inter-Dimensional Connection} and 'The Psychic Sasquatch'.

Kewaunee is making an important point here...pay attention! 
             Love this art - He looks so confident

Mr. L tours the country lecturing (mostly at UFO conferences) and has recently posted on his website (SasquatchPeople.Com) a series of 'letters' from the aforementioned to humanity chronicling the history and future of our relationship with these apparent, sometime off-planet entities. The message is written in a way that sounds like a Native American with a College education might write it, with only a couple of odd word uses (for example, specie, for species) and the tone is familiar to UFO abductee stories. ”We are not giant apes nor even related to them, as your cryptozoologists pretend; nor are we primitive hominids, nor even more related to them than to you, as some of your anthopologists tend to believe. Recognizing our true origin from the Star Elders and our spiritual wisdom, is the acceptance of yours. We are offering you your best opportunity to re-enter into inter-species peaceful, spiritual relations, and to realign with the Cosmic Order, to join back in our Star Elders Council, like your first ancestors did.” The entire 'message to humanity' is available for free at this link: http://sasquatchpeople.com
                                 
                                       <------------------------------------------------------>

The second most prolific paranormal Sasquatch conduit may be Mike Paterson.

                                                   Mike Paterson, (let's pretend this is Mike, ok?)

 For newbies, Paterson is a Canadian dude who happened to be contacted by a largely invisible creature while camping in the woods near some friends of his who owned a cabin and property somewhere in Ontario. Paterson, like Lapseritis uses Youtube as his main message delivery vehicle and his videos are a combination of quizzical, child-like name exchanges coupled with shots of footprints in the snow and gifts of marbles and twisted sticks. There is a focus on the audio portions of Patersons relationship which feature guttural howls and squeals interjected with an occasionally recognizable word or name. Patersons attitude and delivery are endearing if incomplete in explanation and after listening for a while it feels like a man taking care of a mentally-challenged family member. (Sorry,MP, no disrespect meant, just trying to reach the masses). Mike Patersons work hit a road block when a relation of his hosts interfered with his occupation and forced Mike to regroup. One important offshoot of his content is his partnering with documentary-maker Chris Munch (Letters From The Big Man) and who subsequently started his own youtube channel (Fir and Cedar) where Munch has employed a group of 'sensitives' to explain the Sasquatch and their counsel for us 'hairless ones'. I won't introduce the sensitives again (it's in a previous post and available at Munchs channel) but the message is very similar to Lapseritis' theme, with Lapseritis siding much more thickly on the doom and gloom aspects of Global Warming, pollution and enslavement by our 'lower lords'.


                                                   <----------------------------------------->


 The only other online, sizable Extra-normal Sasquatch content comes from a lady named Joan Ocean, a counselor and author who resides in Hawaii and who offers dolphin and whale swimmimg sessions. Ocean also claims a series of physical and non-physical contacts with Sasquatch persons that she has decided have names like Medicine Woman and who write responses to her letters in decent penmanship.

and maybe . I have not listed two of my favorite paranormal Sasquatch writers since they only report on and comment of anecdotes they have heard from others. Linda Moulton Howe and Thom Powell are probably the hugest profile people on this subject ( followed by Stan Gordon) and they deserve their own, upcoming post. I welcome comments from anyone on the communicators above and if I have impugned anyone, I apologize as I am the blogger of a site called Bizarre Bigfoot and i am just trying to grok this bizarre  mystery.                               Joan Ocean - w/ Whale photobomb.                                                                     

Bigfoot and The Gov'mint

A couple of thoughts that I've had recently regarding the whole enchilada. One is that I am happy to go into the woods and look for signs of Bigfoot, even see one personally, BUT...I would not do it alone and I don't wish to do it at night. To date I've done two overnight trips and, of course, saw and heard nothing important, so, the thing is, if you do see a huge hairy bipedal Man-Ape and nobody is with you, you're basically just another crazy person. And if you see one at night, it's far too difficult with the technology we have to ascertain unequivocally whether you saw a Bigfoot or if it was just a bear or tree stump on a windy night. Naysayers, I hear you out there. "He's a'skirred!'

And you would be right. Hell, how many Sasquatch witness accounts involving abject terror do you need to read to believe it's a likely outcome. I get the heebie jeebies anytime I'm camping at night, and bears DO exist and citing behavioral patterns where they 'always avoid humans' doesn't help me. So, I'm ready to go camping nearly anywhere, even at night, but I will be with friends, a big campfire, music and libations. I'm not going to lay on the ground alone in the Nordegg Wilderness like Les Stroud and 'make myself vunerable' like he does. Dude has balls, no doubt about that. This stated, the other thought that occurs to me is that as a fully developed high order primate myself, I have the capability and right to be anywhere on the planet I wish to go. It may be arguable at to whether humans are smarter than the Sasquatch people (they do, ostensibly sync perfectly with the natural world with no need for the trappings that humans require), but dammit, why should I kowtow to Bigfoot anymore than I do to bears. Out in the deep woods, many of us carry firearms for protection as we hunt, trap, fish, harvest trees or just plain go camping. Sasquatch may live there, and we can be respectful of them and their habitat, but we all live on the same planet and we're going to have to get along, so...make way Big Ones, the little ones are here to stay. Think about those two statements and let me know what you think.

'You wanna dance, tough guy!...Bring it!'

Now, on to another topic. The Gov'mint. Those bastards, those nameless, faceless authoritarians who rule our legal lives are up to something in regard to their knowledge of Sasquatch. The reasons range from, 'Sasquatches should be protected and left alone as undiscovered branch of the human family' and 'If they acknowledge Bigfoot existences, public lands would become overrun with Peta members, tree huggers other protectionist activists who would force the gov'mint to run developers and loggers out,' and finally to 'Bigfoot is an alien, we can't have humans mucking around with them because it might expose our dark plan to turn them loose en masse to depopulate the planet, ala 'Planet of the Apes II'. What evidence do we have for Governmental involvement and coverup? The most frequently cited examples are the 1999 Battle Mountain Fire Story, which author Thom Powell broke and which is a wonderful mix of caring humans tending to a badly burned BF who they find along with the Goverment interference in hiding that same creature in a lab on a college campus for further study before release. The other story, and one that I somehow missed until yesterday is the one listed below. Read it and I will comment at the bottom. Note: stolen from Bigfoot Evidence' site: 'It has been years since the story broke and still no one has come forward to claim it actually happened-- until now. Running a Bigfoot blog, we get some strange emails every once in a while. This morning, we received an email from someone who claims to be a former National Guardsman, saying he was there and he saw the Bigfoots. This person gives a detail account of the experience that he and four other guardsmen had with the creature and all were told to keep quiet about it. We know how much some people like to pull our leg, so, as always, we'll let you be the judge: Dear Shawn: I was reading some of the stories about Mt. Saint Helen on the message boards and wanted to share this one. I only ask that you withhold my name. I was a National Guardsman at the Mount Saint Helen site and this is the first time I have ever spoken about what I saw firsthand. I lived in Spokane, Washington and was 24 at the time this all took place. I have read some of the other stories and they only tell part of the story. I was placed on a special cleanup crew farther up the mountain. A large tent was set up and it was be guarded by armed soldiers who were not part of the guard. There were numerous soldiers on the scene that were not members of the guard. We were given a briefing by soldier who said that “after he spoke to us, we would forget about him and what he said at the end of the mission”. This was strange as we never dealt with anything before. Myself and four other guardsmen were told to follow a group of soldiers and not to speak to each other and to remain very quiet overall. We were told to get into a jeep and wait. We sat in the jeep for maybe a half hour. Eventually another jeep arrived carrying a civilian and another member of the military. The civilian was brought into the tent and he emerged a few minutes later followed by a large hairy creature. It looked like a large man covered in fur and the best way to describe it was like “Beast” from X-Men only brown. The creature looked to have some burns and had a bandage on its arm. At first we were afraid but when it walked by we could see its eyes and it just looked very sad and somber. He climbed into the back of a pickup with the civilian and the two were speaking in a weird language I had never heard. It would cough at times. We followed the truck to different areas. There were 5 total stops. Each time we stopped we were told to follow the civilian and the creature. Each time we followed them to rocky areas where there were caves. The creature would make a sound and then listen. At the first area he made a sound and we all just waited in silence. After a few minutes, the creature looked at the civilian and then at the ground. The civilian at one point touched its shoulder and called for a canteen to give the creature a drink. The same thing happened at the next area but this time there was a response to the sound. After a few minutes two soldiers emerged from the cave carrying a badly burned creature just like the one with the civilian. The creature bent down next to it and looked it over for about five minutes. It then spoke softly with the civilian. It turned and walked back to the truck and we were told to follow as we were walking away we heard a shot and we knew it was one of the soldiers putting the creature out of its misery. There was no response at the third or fourth site but at the fifth there was another return sound to the creature. This time it was different and soldiers carried out a creature with a badly burned left leg. We were then ordered to all help get a very large stretcher from the truck and to help place the creature on it and carry it back to the truck. We then immediately returned to the base camp. The creature was carried into the tent while the other creature and the civilian spoke. We were ordered to stay in the jeep until we were to be debriefed. As the creature turned to walk into the tent it looked at us and made a waving gesture with its hand. We took it as a thank you for what we had done. By the time we were ordered out of the jeep we were all in shock. We were called over to an area to be debriefed and it was just strange. I will never forget what was said because it was just not what was expected. I thought I would hear “You took an oath and now you need to live up to it for your country with a threat also implied. A different high ranking soldier just said “look, do you all really want an explanation? You saw what we were doing. These creatures live in these areas; they mean no harm and want to be left alone. Do you really want to do anything that may cause them trouble? They are like us in a lot of ways. If you need or want to talk about this just wait about 30 years, by that time there will likely be no reason to keep them a secret”. We were then ordered back to the guard camp because “they were breaking it up so nobody saw too much and knew everything that happened”. We did not speak of it and after a few months I just took the attitude that these things live out there and honestly my life is no different because of it. I only bring it up now because people have been writing a lot about MT. Saint Helen and I believe that the whole story should be told. I will also say this. I like to camp and hike and have done so many times throughout the Northwest. Every time I would look for signs of these creatures, tracks, listen for sounds etc. I never saw or heard anything other than what I did that day on Mt. Saint Helen.' Story end.

Ok, so we can choose to believe it or not, and it's even more fantastic than the Battle Mountain story insofar as the creature 'speaks' to the civilian (native american?) in a language both understood. And we would have to assume that the civilian and the Sasquatch must have had some sort of relationship that went back at least long enough for them to learn to communicate. Let's say, five years. So if you have Giant Forest Persons existing with the knowledge and understanding of (at least) the National Guard, is it safe to assume that the Park Service bigwigs know? How about the Dept. of the Interior and the Whitehouse? Rumors have abounded for decades about The Whitehouse and Area 51, and those rumors get more substantiation every couple of years with declassified documents being released. Why hold back on Bigfoot disclosure? Why are Sasquatches different than UFO occupants? That's another question for another blog post, isn't it?

Bigfoot Photos Don't Cut It

As humans, we rely heavily on our visual abilities to make sense of the world, at least initially, and so when an image of something that does not immediately fit in our frame of reference is ejected from our brains as unclassifiable, we begin the search.

The Internet, as an electronic extension of the collective human brain is the first logical place to look.

Tons of people upload photos of stuff they've seen and can't figure out.  Trail/Game cam pictures, summer vacation campground photos, panoramic tourist shots, we are rife with high quality cameras now but we still can't seem to get very good photographs of what many believe is just an oversized forest ape living in the great woods all around us.

                                                          Blobsquatch Number 75634




Why not? What is so hard about obtaining one single, sharp focus, full daylight image of this cryptid animal?



Some say that it's Bigfoots terrific wariness. He (or she) is highly attuned to the presence of a camera (and guns if you prefer) and that his great physical prowess allows him to disappear too quickly.

There is merit in this position, if you have ever tried to take a photo of a wild animal you will understand. Wilderness locations, with big trees, bendy roads and mountainous terrain are not often conducive to obtaining easy imagery with sketchy availability of light and decent unobstructed backgrounds.  Animals by nature tend to blend with they're surroundings, and if we add in the concept that Sasquatches are more nocturnal than diurnal, they have the additional benefit of cover of night to aid in their subterfuge.

So because they may be wary as well as nightowls, we are relegated to trail cams for our best chance at a good picture. Plenty of people use them, with varying degrees of success.

J.Burke attaches his game camera to a tree near a trail on the Olympic Projects land in Port Angeles, Wa.

Sadly, the world of Bigfoot evidence is so bereft of clear VIDEO (as opposed to simple still images) as to make a baby cry.

That said, we DO have the Patterson Gimlin 16mm film

And though it is a treat to see moving images of our favorite prey, in the post 2000 world of computer tech, we can no longer trust ANY thing. Besides the fact that video evidence is not (usually) permissible in a court of law when deciding the outcome of a case, the ability of that 9 year old nephew you forgot you had to manipulate digital images is so advanced now that he can literally make monkeys fly out of you know where.

So, until we have a situation where Mr. Foot finally tires of the rumors and backbiting, the stale peanut butter sandwiches with tracking devices sloppily inserted in them, and he comes out of the forest for a proper press conference, I am afraid we will never really know them.

LOOK!!...it's a Sea Dragon! What? You aren't buying it?...(sorry..my bad).